What is Love?

This blog is supposed to be my “LOVE BLOG”. Wherein I share stuffs I love, people I love and activities I love. But, I am so devastated today. Since Saturday, I feel very uneasy. My emotions seems to mix again. I was very happy at a certain point, but I became very irritated, then happy again.

It all began when I decided to date. I wear a nice dress (mini-skirt). We were in a very nice place. I got irritated when I waited for 25 minutes. He said he was coming, on his way to where I am. BUT hindi pa pala. He was about to finish the movie, but when I came to our meeting place: WALA PA SIYA. He’s not yet there. He’s still in the movie house. I’m waiting in vain along Serendra. I was not sitting down. I was standing wearing my quirky white and brown dress. After that, he didn’t apologize nicely. He reacted as if I was wrong. He said I didn’t tell him that I’m there already. (I have been calling him like 10 times and telling him that we’ll meet na, and I’ve been telling him that I’m there na in our meeting place for 25 minutes) I was expecting that he might bring flowers for making me wait. BUT NO! He didn’t. I don’t know if he really loves me. I didn’t know that he’s not sweet. He’s just sweet when he wants to, but if circumstances fail him, he won’t. and I don’t like it very much. We’re okay after we walked and bought starbucks and sit down at xocolat–drank aztec hot chocolate and went home very happy.

We went to date again the next day. Just to make up for the mishap we had the other day. And He insisted to finish the movie he was watching. So I was like, uh-okay. We’re happy during our date. Until we went home. We have this exchange gift every week in our house. So we’re waiting for the other housemates to go home and together we will open the presents. Unfortunately, 2 housemates were not at home. We waited until 12mn. I want to open my present. He doesn’t want to. He said I WAS SO UNFAIR. I was hurt, deeply hurt. All I wanted is to open the gift. I just want to see it. I just want to experience getting a gift. I was so hurt that i don’t want to talk to him. I slept on the couch. We’re texting and I told him that he never said sorry to me. He never apologize nicely. He just said sorry, without any grace and love. I hate it. It’s like he doesn’t care for me. It looks like he don’t love me.

I was imagining the man who loves me deeply (unfortunately, I don’t love him yet). I was imagining that he is taking me to the park, we’re walking until our feet hurts. We’re having a picnic and he’s telling me that he loves me. He’s telling me that if ever we have an argument, he’ll be the first one to tell me sorry. He’ll give me flowers and hug me and tell me that he can’t live without me. I want that kind of man. I want a man who treats me like his princess. I wasn’t treated as a princess (maybe because I act like a boy). But it’s not a reason for not treating me like a woman.

As I sleep on the couch, my tears are flowing while I imagine that “man” strolls me at the park, surprise me every single date we had, and I was not spending any penny for it. He did it because he loves me and wants to take care of me.

Why? All I wanted it love. My papa never had a time that he didn’t care for my mama. Although they don’t show it often, but I feel it. I super feel it. Now, I have my man, I don’t feel it. I can see his passion, but it seems like his heart is not into it anymore. I want him to love me. I love him very much. I was the one who keeps on humbling myself before him. I was the one who keeps on giving him surprises. I was the one who says sorry to him in a very gentle manner.

I remembered. God told me that I’ll spend the rest of my life with him. I said, “I don’t like”. It was because of this attitude. He doesn’t want fancy stuffs for his girl. He was okay for a time. But heck, it will be 2 years next year since I said yes to him. I said yes because God destined me to be with him. Okay, kinda wrong. But I knew all along that I love him. He was the man I want minus the un-gentleman factor.

waaaa… I’m kinda torn. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what will happen. I don’t know if he’ll apologize just as I wanted. I don’t know if he’ll like the idea of giving me chocolates or flowers for my comfort. I don’t know. He was never like that. He will just say sorry then we’re okay. I wanted to be treated differently. I want to feel being treated as a special person. I want someone who takes care of me, because in return I will truly take care of him. I will make him feel very very special.

I don’t know love anymore. My heart broke. It hurts so much. And the one who cause it doesn’t want to heal it. He doesn’t want to face his mistake.

In the end, I’d still hold on to this word: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not boast… it doesn’t keep a record of wrong..”

I won’t keep this until he apologize. Maybe that’s why his parents are separated. waaa.. I don’t want to say that. But as I can see, it looks like that.

I’m torn. Logging Off.

Add a comment November 30, 2009

I am not a girl

and i’m not a boy too. hehe.

I’m not the girly-girl type of person. I love being active. I love traveling. I often use make-up because I want to look natural all the time. I want to walk, walk and walk until my feet hurts. I want to listen and I want to be heard. I want to talk especially to people I really love and care. I can understand.

But, I’m still a girl.

I’m quite immature sometimes. I’m moody. I’m often selfish, but in a good way.

I hate it when people tell me that I don’t act like a girl. I’m still a girl. Maybe that’s the reason why I don’t act like one (that they expect me to be). I believe that being “gentle and quiet spirit” (as said in the bible) is in the HEART. Although some contest that “out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks”, but I believe that people do not see our heart. and yeah, People tend to look at the outside appearance of a person.

I’m ranting again.

I just hate it when people think otherwise.

Btw, I want to have my braces again. my teeth is becoming freaky again.   I hope I can get funds for my ortho payment.

gosh.

Liza. Logging Off.

Add a comment November 22, 2009

I hate singing

As of November 12, 2009 11:30PM

Why? I just realized that I can’t do it anymore. I officially admit that I have a VERY BAD SINGING VOICE. Since my mama died, I stopped singing. I stopped singing mainly because no one appreciates. No one will ever like my singing voice (even my boyfriend). No one will appreciate it because it’s kinda annoying. Although I can carry a tune, but singing is not for me.

Good thing I realized it earlier than this.

Actually I quit singing after I officially loved how a violin sings. As I fell in love with the violin, I lose my singing voice. Before I don’t hate it, I just stopped singing.

As I see young singers rising up (and heck, heaps of them are just like copy-cat), my singing voice is beginning to deteriorate. And I’m more on violin playing nowadays, so the singing will never be an asset for me.

So next time, if you are going to ask me to sing, PLEASE DON’T.

I officially HATE it. If I am going to make a song, I won’t put any lyrics, I’ll just let my violin do the singing.

I’M NOW A SINGING HATER…

Sorry for those who are singers.. I love instrumental music rather than vocal music. AND this type of singing doesn’t have to do with worshipping God. I just hate the manner of singing, I don’t hate worshipping. OKAY?

Liza. Logging Off.

Add a comment November 14, 2009

I Hate Gossips

I super, duper, HATE it. I was one of the subjects of gossips. I hate it very much. I don’t want people talking about me. I don’t want them to keep thinking what am I doing. I don’t want them to assume something’s wrong with me, well in fact WALA NAMAN!

I’m irritated.

I don’t want to say much. BUT for those people who keeps on spreading WRONG INFORMATION about me. PLEASE STOP IT. Stop assuming as if you are close to me. Well, if we meet once, that doesn’t mean we’re close. You don’t know me and I don’t know you. SO SOD OFF!

I’ll keep on doing what God wants me to do. I don’t want to be distracted because of GOSSIPS.

Logging Off. Liza.

Add a comment November 9, 2009

Exactly One Month

I will be taking another college entrance exam.

I’m quite nervous.

I’m not yet reviewing.

BUT

I want to pass.

SO

From this day,

I’ll review na.

Wherever,

Whenever…

Add a comment November 6, 2009